Christmas Alone
by Microclown
Summary: Romano is becoming confused about how he really feels about spain, when he overhears a simple conversation that practically crushes him.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N – So I've been wanting to write this, or a story like this, for a while, but by the time I get on to fanfiction I'm no longer in the mood to write it! So, I've finally sat myself down in front of my computer and am going to start it. Here goes nothing! Even if the only thing motivating me is the complete lack of anything else to do…**

* * *

Romano sat down on his bed and took out his journal. Well, he wouldn't call it a journal, and it definitely was NOT a diary. He liked to think of it more as a log book – keeping track of day to day events and activities. Having something like this made him feel more professional and productive. Although this was purely psychological, it still made him feel better to keep, especially on days when he was feeling particularly useless.

Romano opened up to a fresh page and dated the top left corner, _December 24, 2012_.

Then he began to write:

_Christmas Eve_

_Woke up around 1:30 PM_

_Going to America's house for a Christmas Party at 6:00 with Feliciano_

_Feliciano will spend the night at Germany's._

With a sigh, he closed the book and set it back on the nightstand. He really did not want to go to America's party tonight, but the obnoxious nation had made it quite clear that if anyone were to not show up, there would be consequences. This also meant that _everyone _would be there, and there were plenty of people Romano did not wish to see at the moment.

Then there was a knock at his bedroom door, "fratello! It's almost two in the afternoon! Are you gonna get up ever!? Not much longer and you'll sleep away the entire day!" Feliciano wined.

"Yea, yea, whetever, I'm up, ok?" Lovino said opening the door.

Feliciano beamed up at him "Merry Christmas Romano!"

"It's not Christmas yet idiota, Don't get ahead of yourself"

Veneziano frowned a little. "You don't have to always be so mean, Romano" but then quickly smiling again "today is going to be so much fun! We'll get to go over to America's house and we can see all our old friends again! And then I get to spend the night with Germany!"

Lovino scowled. There was no way he would be spending Christmas with that damn potato bastard again. Last year was probably one of the worst Christmases he'd ever experienced, and he did not want a rerun of that this year. So Romano planned to stay home this time, which meant that he would be spending Christmas alone for the first time in as long as he could remember.

As Feliciano continued to rant on about Christmas and gingerbread houses and Potato Gnocchi, Romano pushed past him and walked toward the kitchen. Grabbing a kitchen knife and a large, juicy tomato he began to prepare a little snack to tide him over until he got to America's – and even then he couldn't count on America having anything that wasn't either so greasy or so artificial that it was practically inedible.

Feliciano came up and sat down beside Romano at the table. "Wow! I just can't wait to see Austria and Hungary and Japan and Spain and…" Italy continued on to name probably every other country he'd ever met, but Lovino had stopped listening.

Spain. That was right, Spain would be there. Of course he would, everyone was going to be there. It's not like it mattered anyway. Damn it! Why did it matter! It didn't. He hadn't seen Antonio in over a year, and it wasn't like he missed the bastard. He hated the stupid Spaniard and the stupid grin that always seemed to be plastered across his stupid face no matter what was going on. But this didn't stop the fact that Lovino had been a little confused lately – Every time he thought of Antonio his mind seemed to go haywire – his thoughts would become jumbled and he would start arguing with himself. Not to mention the strange feeling he got in his chest, the queasy painful feeling with a hint of something else he couldn't quite decipher. The worst part was he had absolutely no idea why just the mere thought of Spain would make him feel like this. The only logical explanation he could come up with was that since he spent so much time with the idiot when he was younger, his brain wasn't used to being away from him for such a long period of time. If that was really the problem then maybe it wouldn't be such a bad idea to run into him at the party. Maybe if he could see the stupid tomato bastard again he could calm down and his brain would finally go back to normal. This thought reassured him and he let out a heavy breath which he hadn't realized he'd been holding until then.

"Hey Romano, Are you OK? You were acting _really_ spacey and weird a second ago!"

"I'm fine." grumbled Romano, rolling his eyes at his brother.

* * *

**A/N – Ok, so that's the end of my first chapter. I have practically the entire story already written out in my head… So it shouldn't take me too long to get up the next one… unless I start procrastinating… which is a very high possibility. **


	2. Chapter 2

Feliciano knocked enthusiastically on the front door of America's house. He was still knocking when the door was finally answered by a tall blond with blue eyes and glasses. "Hey! Good to see you Feli! Glad you could make it! Come on in!" Feliciano gave him a huge smile "Merry Christmas!" Romano couldn't help but wince. How was it that everyone seemed to know his brothers name? Those names were supposed to be something personal, something that was only shared with other people you really trust! Did Feliciano really trust everyone so much that even America knew it? Lovino scowled in disgust.

As the two Italian nations walked through the front door, into America's house, they were almost instantaneously surrounded by a small flock of nations who all began to gush over the shorter nation saying things like "It's almost as if you've gotten cuter since I last saw you! As if that's even possible…"All the while Italy just smiled up at them, enjoying the attention. Romano pretended to ignore the fact that nobody even bothered to give him a nod of acknowledgement in greeting. I wasn't like he cared anyway – he was well aware that everyone preferred the company of adorable, sweet, north Italy to himself.

Despite telling himself all this, he made his way directly to where he saw pre-poured glasses of wine sitting neatly out on a table. It didn't taste amazing, but what else did he expect from America. Lovino scanned the room for Spain, and after not being able to find him, let out a sigh concluding that he hadn't arrived yet. However, as he was making his way back towards where his idiot brother was still standing and chatting, the sound of a familiar voice made him freeze in his tracks. Around the corner, he could hear Spain talking to someone he quickly identified to be Hungary.

So the bastard was here after all! "dammit" Romano cursed as he was suddenly over aware of his heart beating up against his ribcage. What the hell was going on!? Romano shook his head, and inched closer to hear what was being said.

"What!?" said the female voice. "Christmas alone!? That's terrible!"

"Not really," Antonio replied. "It might be nice to have some time to myself."

"Well, why don't you spend it with… uh… Romano or something?"

Lovino felt his heart leap to his throat at the mention of his name, and he choked on the wine he'd been sipping. Would this mean that Spain would be spending the Holidays at his place!? The stupid bastard better as hell not invite himself over! Next to Germany, Antonio was the last person he wanted to be spending his weekend with. Well, he didn't _really_ mean that, did he? Of course he did! Although, it might be nice to have _somebody_ to spend his Christmas with rather than _nobody... _Lovino shook his head violently to try to rid himself of his thoughts.

"Romano?" Spain replied to Hungary's question "No, you know what he's like – he can take the cheer out of almost anything with that attitude of his! No, even a Christmas alone would be more fun than a Christmas with him…"

Hungary chuckled "Well I guess you do have a point there."

_Did he just - did he just say..._ Lovino staggered back, shocked. He suddenly felt as though someone had just punched him in the stomach, and hard. He could feel his forehead begin to heat up, and his stomach flip over in twisted up knots. His thoughts swirled around him in a dizzying mess. _What the hell's the matter with you! _He shouted internally at himself. Dammit! Why was he reacting like this! He knew nobody liked him, so what made him think that Spain would be any different! It was just something that had always taken for granted… when he was little he had known that somehow, no matter what he did or how he behaved, Spain could never stay angry at him for very long at all. Now that he thought about it, Spain was the only person Romano felt, actually liked him. Obviously he had been wrong. Did Spain really think he was that much downer? He heard the words echo again inside his head._ "Even a Christmas alone would be more fun than a Christmas with him" _Romano could feel a heavy ache settle itself at the pit of his stomach. It felt like a black hole that was ready to swallow his body whole and envelope him from the insides out.

Lovino gulped down the rest of his wine and hurried back toward the front door. America had never said anything about need to stay… And even if he had it wouldn't have mattered anyway. Absolutely no one noticed as slipped past the door and down the ice coated steps towards his car. He was NOT going to cry. Especially not over something he didn't even care about anyway, dammit. He forced himself to swallow down the lump that was forming in his throat. Why did Spain have to be such a fucking idiot anyway. _God I hate that bastard so damn much! _he thought as he put the car in drive and started back home.

* * *

**A/N - So did Romano overreact? I don't know, maybe a little. But I probably would have reacted the same way in his situation, so it dosn't really matter... I probably won't have the next part up for a while since midterms is coming up soon, which means alot of studying and papers to write! D: Well... that's about it! bye!**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N – Hey! Thanks soooooo much to everyone who reviewed/followed/favorited! You guys make me so happy I just want to give you all a huge hug! Seriously! Come here you guys… *hugs* **

**So as I was writing this chapter, I started to have my doubts. I'm not sure I like it very much. In fact, I have a whole alternate plot written out in my head, but I decided to go with my original idea instead because… meh… I don't know, I'm lazy?**

**Anyways, hope you enjoy it more than I did! :D **

**Edit: I fixed a couple grammer mistakes, I you notice anything feel free to tell me :)**

* * *

Lovino's fingers tightened on the steering wheel. The problem with being alone on a long car ride was there was nothing to distract him from his thoughts. He'd tried turning on the radio, but every song was either about love, so insanely stupid it made him want to puke, or both. However with the radio off, he couldn't help his thoughts wandering to places he'd rather not have them wander. How could he have been so stupid? He always knew that Spain didn't like him, ever since he was just a little kid. Didn't Spain try to trade him for his brother that one time? He didn't just try, he _begged_ Austria to trade him. Sure he apologized for hurting Romano's feelings, but he never said he didn't mean it. Romano was sure if Austria had shown up at Spain's house at any point and said "Here, take Feli, I'll take Romano", Spain would've accepted in a heartbeat. And what about that time Spain had asked Feliciano to marry him when he grew up? He hadn't even considered asking Romano until he hit him with a broom. And even then it couldn't be _just _Romano, it had to be _both_ of the Vargas brothers. Nobody ever wanted just Romano. Not that he wanted Spain to marry him! That would be really weird, not to mention disgusting, and why in God's name would he want to marry someone he hated so much!? But he did suppose that it would be nice to actually be _wanted _for once. Maybe then _he_ could be the one doing the rejecting. But he didn't need _Spain's _acceptance. He didn't give a shit what Spain thought about him, why should he care what the bastard thinks when _he_ doesn't even care about him.

As Romano continued to drive, recalling these hateful memories and thoughts, the painful attempt to hold back the urge to cry subsided and was replaced by something else entirely. It started out as dull, and barely noticeable, but as the ride went on it became harder to ignore. It was a small nagging ache at the bottom of his chest, gnawing away slowly at his insides, and honestly, making him feel like crap. He hated it and he wanted it to go away, but no matter what he did it just stayed there unaffected, tearing at his chest bit by bit and making it difficult for him to breathe.

As soon as he got home he went straight to his cupboard and took out a bottle of wine. Not even bothering to get himself a glass, be popped the cork and started drinking. That damn ache wasn't going away and the only way he could think to get rid of it was alcohol. Within the next twenty minutes he had already downed the entire first bottle, and made good progress on the second, before the alcohol began to take effect. He waited. He waited for that stupid pain that was all Spain's fault to go away, but it didn't. All Romano's other senses, thoughts, and feelings dulled and slowed, but that stupid nagging ache stayed put. In fact, with his other senses shutting down, the ache only became more prominent and even harder to ignore! He could feel it burrowing deeper and deeper into his gut, leaving behind it a trail of sickening pain.

With this Romano finally lost it. "Damn it, damn it, damn it, Damn It, DAMN IT!" Lovino shouted, thrusting his fist down upon the table with the final exclamation. The force of the impact caused the table to shudder, and the knife left over from his snack earlier in the day to bounce slightly into the air before rolling off the table and clattering down to the ground. For some reason, in his drunken state, this _really _pissed Romano off. Without thinking Romano snatched the knife from the ground, and stabbed at that stupid little pain which was still managing to mock him and drive him close to the point of insanity. He dug the knife deeper into and around that spiteful ache, attempting to carve it out of his body once and for all before it had the chance to spread, like an infectious disease, and take over the rest of his body.

Romano choked and coughed as a completely different sort of pain shot through his body, and the smell of blood suddenly snapped him back to his senses. His eyes widened with realization. "Shit!" he cursed loudly and winced as he pulled the knife from where it had previously been lodged in his stomach. "Dammit! What the FUCK did I DO!? Shit… SHIT! GOD DAMN IT! WHAT THE FUCKING HELL DID I DO!?" He screamed, but the strain of shouting like that caused him to kneel to the ground in a horrendous coughing fit. The coughing only got worse as spats of blood came up through his throat, and filled his mouth, which only caused him to gag and cough up more blood. Of all the ways to deal with his ache, attacking it with a knife was probably the most stupid he could've come up with.

Body shaking, but coughing subsided, Romano slowly rose to his feet. Once on his feet, he felt extremely dizzy, to the point where he was in danger of collapsing, and he realized that if he was going to prevent himself from passing out, he would need to find a way to stop the bleeding soon. He had no idea where in the house they kept the first aid kit, or if they even had one for that matter, so he staggered over to his bedroom in search of a sheet or a T-shirt or SOMETHING he could use to clot the blood loss. He made his was around his bed to his dresser, clutching onto the side of the bed with one had, and the hole in his stomach with the other.

Before Romano could manage to open a drawer, his vision blurred and his knees gave out beneath him. The world turned black and suddenly Lovino could no longer see, but only for a second. When his vision returned, Romano tried to stand up again, but he was too weak. A sense of dread filled his body as he realized his self-inflicted wounds were much worse than he had originally thought. Fear paralyzed his body as he considered the possibility that he might not even make it at all - that one rash, drunken, insane decision could possibly mean the end of him… Lovino felt sick. No. no, no, no, no, no… he couldn't die now! He couldn't! Not now! He was – he was… Romano paused in his train of thought. He was what? All by himself on Christmas, the most joyful holiday of the year? Hated, or simply unnoticed by every single person who ever crossed his life? A useless and rude pathetic excuse for a country? There was no reason he needed to stay alive. Even his own country didn't need him anymore – Feliciano was completely capable of running Italy all by himself. Besides, nobody cared about him anyway. His brother had that potato bastard to love and look after him now, and he never really had any friends other than him. Other than... other than Spain…

The thought of Antonio sent him into another gagging and coughing fit, and he was left helplessly on the floor, his body felt like lead and he was too weak even to move a finger. _Spain…_ Thoughts were no longer coming easily to Lovino, and could feel his brain beginning to shut down. _Why... why... was it... so painful…Spain... he didn't even… didn't even... _Lovino's thoughts were jumbled and incoherent, but he finally realized something. The reason it hurt so much more when Spain said he didn't like him than when another country said the same thing. The reason he had been feeling so flustered and confused whenever he thought about Spain for the past couple weeks. The reason that, no matter how thick-headed, annoying, and unintentionally inconsiderate Antonio was, Lovino never could find it in himself to truly hate him. _I'm... in love... w-with Spain... _And before he had a chance to argue with himself, or try to deny it, his brain shut down completely, and Lovino went unconscious.

* * *

**A/N - ok, so... that's that. Umm... next chapter is Spain!**


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N – Wow! Lots of reviews and stuff on the last chapter! **

**ヽ****(；▽；****)ノ ****YOU GUYS ROCK!**

**Anyways, here you have it! Another chapter! :)**

* * *

Spain paced nervously around the room where America's party was being held. Romano wasn't here yet. When was he going to get here? It had only been five minutes, but still, he didn't think he could wait any longer. How had a whole year gone by without him paying a visit to his precious little Lovi? Well, he wasn't going to let it happen again, that's for sure!

Out of the corner of his eye he caught someone waving to him from across the room. Seeing that it was Hungary he smiled and headed over.

"Hey, long time no see!" He said cheerfully.

"Yes, It has been a long time, hasn't it!" she replied.

"ah…" said Spain rubbing his forehead "everyone's so busy these days it can be hard to get together!"

"I know, I hate to give America credit for anything, but this party thing really was actually a good idea – so many people I haven't seen in ages! Though, the way he celebrates Christmas is quite… different, from the way Austria and I usually do." Hungary said with a chuckle. "Speaking of Christmas, you got anything special planned this year?" She asked expectantly.

"oh, uh… not really" Spain lied, giving a sheepish grin. "I was actually going to spend this one by myself!"

In truth, he did have something special planned. Very special. This Christmas Eve was the night he finally was going to confess his feelings for Lovino. He had denied them and held them back for too long, and now he was going to put an end to that. He didn't even really care that much if Romano didn't like him back in that way, but he had hope. And besides, this was something he desperately needed to get off his chest, and soon.

"What!?" Hungary exclaimed. "Christmas alone!? That's terrible!"

Spain sighed internally. He was hoping she would have just let it go. No such luck.

"Not really," he smiled back. "It might be nice to have some time to myself."

"Well, why don't you spend it with… uh… Romano or something?"

Spain did a mental facepalm. She had tried to make the suggestion sound causal, but he knew as well as she did how much Hungary wanted them to get together. Nothing would've pleased her little fangirl heart more than to know that a certain Spaniard and Italian would be spending their Christmases with each other. If she had even a slight suspicion of what Spain really had planned for tonight, she would be over with her camera and a box of tissues faster than you could say _tomate_; and if, somehow, he did happen to get lucky tonight, he didn't want it documented in one of those weird comic books Japan had.

With these thoughts in mind he replied cautiously, attempting to sound surprised, as if he hadn't even been thinking of the little Italian.

"Romano?" Spain tried to think of an excuse _not _to want to spend Christmas with his little tomate! He was so cute, who wouldn't want to spend time with him! At this his mind instantly went to Austria. What had he said? Something about him having a bad attitude and a dirty mouth? Well, that was true, but that was part of why he loved him so much! There was so much more to the Southern Italian nation then just scowls and curses if you actually took the time to get to know him! Nevertheless, this was Hungary, so he tried using Austria's words. "No, you know what he's like – he can take the cheer out of almost anything with that attitude of his!" he tried, studying her face to see if she was buying it, and then added for good measure "No, even a Christmas alone would be more fun than a Christmas with him…"

He was positive she wouldn't believe him. The words sounded unnatural and ridiculous coming out of his mouth. He supposed she would call him out for lying, and then run to Romano's house to station herself in a nearby tree with a set of night vision binoculars. However, to his surprise, Hungary just chuckled and said "Well I guess you do have a point there."

Spain was shocked. Did she really feel this way about Romano too? But he was so cute, and adorable, and he loved him! It made him feel a little sad, but he decided people would feel how they felt, and there was not much he could do to change that.

The usually cheerful nation chuckled along with her, a little uncomfortably. He should be standing up for his little Lovi! Not saying mean things about him! Well, at least tonight he would try to tell Romano every nice and loving thing that existed in both the Spanish and Italian languages.

He then wondered if maybe Romano had already arrived, so he told Hungary it had been nice chatting with her, before turning around to scan the now overcrowded party room. Not seeing Romano, but catching sight of his younger brother, Spain ran towards the front of the room. Seeing Antonio approaching, Feliciano smiled hugely before saying "Ciao Spagna!" and greeting him with a hug. Spain ruffled his hair, and said "Good to see you too Feli!" and then "Have you seen you're brother?"

Italy quickly looked around the room, shook his head, and said. "I think he might have left already..."

"What!" came the unmistakably loud voice of America from behind them. "Dude, that's so not cool!" He wined "The party's barley even started yet! He didn't even get to see to super awesome cake I got!"

Spain placed a hand on America's shoulder. "Lo siento, amigo, but I think I will be heading out now too. Lovely party though!" and with a flash of a smile, he was out the door – leaving America shocked, mouth hanging slightly open, behind him.


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N - Ugh... I had a really hard time writing this... I don't like being sad! I kept my self entertained by imagining different possibilities where I could completely flip the story around into a crack fic XD. Yea, you don't want to see me write a crack fic... that could get pretty bizarre. Anyway, thanks again for all the super duper nice reviews and stuff! :) I love each and every one of you with the entirety of my heart! 3 **

* * *

On the way to Romano's house, Spain had stopped at a flower shop. He had spent half an hour trying to pick out the most beautiful roses in the shop – if he was going to do this he would want to do this right. Finally, he decided on a nice bouquet of twelve red and yellow roses, tied together with a green silk ribbon. However, as he got closer to his destination, he realized Romano wasn't one to be particularly touched by flowers, and tossed them out the window. About five minutes later he'd already changed his mind and regretted his decision, turned around, got out of the car, and retrieved the roses. To put it simply, he was freaking out.

How would Romano react when he told him? Would he be happy? Sad? Angry? Would he kick him out? Punch him? Tell him he was a bastard and to get lost? Spain chuckled knowing that the last one would probably come true whether he felt the same way or not. What Spain was most worried about, though, was if his little Lovino truly didn't have the same feelings for him. In that case, expressing his love would only mean ending any chance they ever had at friendship. He wasn't sure is he was really ready to risk something like that. Maybe it would be better if they just stayed as friends...

No

He was going through with this.

They had been 'friends' ever since Romano left to live with his brother, and they rarely ever got to see each other. Maybe Romano didn't miss him, but Spain knew he wouldn't be able to live another day without his Lovi.

By this point he had already arrived at Romano's house, and was promptly pacing outside his doorstep, trying to work up the courage to go in. Finally, he took in a deep breath, and knocked on the door. He waited for a moment and then looked at his watch. 11:50? Of course, Lovino was probably already asleep! Maybe it hadn't been such a good idea to keep coming over as a surprise after all... He tried the doorknob and, finding it unlocked, let himself in.

As Antonio slowly entered the house, a chill went down his spine. He wasn't sure what, but something was out of place – something was wrong. He told himself he was just imagining it, but he wasn't convinced.

He got to Romano's room and carefully opened the door, trying not to wake him. Antonio craned his neck around the crack he had made between the door and the wall and peered into the room.

Spain furrowed his brow. The bed was completely empty. If Romano wasn't asleep in his room, then where could he be?

He closed the door and began to search the rest of the house, but he couldn't find Romano anywhere! He'd even tried the wine cellar to see if he had come home and passed out there, but it was empty.

By the time he got to the kitchen he was defiantly worried. Lovino's car was in the driveway, so he had to be here somewhere. He had already passed by the kitchen coming in the first time, so he didn't have very high hopes… maybe, just maybe he had fallen asleep on the floor… or something.

Standing in the doorway he noticed a familiar stench coming from inside the room. It smelled like… like… but couldn't be! Hurriedly flipping on the lights, Spain's fear was confirmed. Blood. Everywhere, blood. He froze, his heart pounding dangerously in his chest. This wasn't Romano's blood… it couldn't be… it just…

He then noticed the little drops of red leading a trail out of the kitchen and into the hallway. Unbelievingly, He followed it with his eyes… right to the foot of… Romano's door.

This wasn't happening.

Spain bolted to the door, flung it open, and continued following the trail to the other side of the bed.

He froze, eyes widening in horror.

There, lying face down on the floor, in a pool of blood, was Lovino Vargas. His Lovino.

Spain's entire stomach sunk to his feet and he fell to his knees is a state of shock.

His mind couldn't comprehend what was happening – it wouldn't. This couldn't be happening. Not now. Not ever! But especially not right now. It wasn't, it _couldn't _be happening.

But there he was, one the floor. Motionless. Not breathing.

Suddenly, a wave of dread washed over Spain as realization finally hit him.

"ROMANO!" he screamed.

Then grabbing his shoulders, shaking him, begging for some sort of response.

"ROMANO! PLEASE! SPEAK TO ME! Romano! ROMANO!"

His stomach felt sick and his head was spinning. How had this even happened? What was going on? and, oh god... there was just so much blood...

"Please, Romano… please just wake up… just stop… it's not funny it's… "

Spain bent his head over and started sobbing, hugging the unresponsive Italian tightly to his chest, praying for any sort of sign that he was ok, that everything would be alright, that...

And then suddenly, he could feel it. Faintly, but it was there.

A small, weak, heartbeat.

Antonio's eyes flew open.

"Romano, stay with me. Stay with me, ok? Just hold on…"

He jumped up and started searching frantically for a phone.

Finding one next to Romano's bed, he quickly snatched it up and dialed the hospital.

* * *

**A/N - Meh, sorry for the short chapter. But now you'll have to stick around if you wanna know what happens *evil grin***

**And since tomorrow's valintines day, I guess I wish you a happy valintines day. But for all of you who, like me, don't have anone this year, just know you're not alone. If we thought we were alone we would all be off marrying the statue of liberty. Yes, that's right. Don't believe me? Listen to this song: (YouTube) /watch?v=g22B2Mm-rto **


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N - Hey! So, I'm back! Sorry for taking so long to update... I got sick, which ment getting behind in schoolwork... which means having to catch up... DX BUT! Here is another chapter! Oh, and I don't speak spanish at all so if the little bit I put in there is wrong feel free to correct me! :D**

* * *

Spain nervously paced around the small room, waiting for the doctor to come in. The emergency doctor who had cleaned and bound Romano's wounds had never seen a country before and couldn't comprehend why he wasn't dead already. Spain wasn't about to try to explain to a complete stranger about how they were actually countries, and countries couldn't die from anything like this – there would have to be a serious war, or a complete loss of culture. And even then some of them wouldn't die, just take Prussia for example. Frustrated, Spain had made a call to Romano's boss who had called in for specialist in dealing with countries who had suffered injuries unrelated to economy or politics.

The door creak open and the Doctor poked his head in "Mr. Carriedo?"

"si?"

"I have just come back from the tests and… well, there's a chance he may not make it through the night."

Spain froze. "I-I don't understand… Italy's fine… he can't, he can't… die…" he choked out the last word disbelieving and spun around to face the doctor.

"yes, uhh.. well, about that. Romano is only half a country, he can die almost as easily as a human can… so can his brother. If one of them died, the other would just automatically take over as the whole of Italy and… hardly anyone would notice…"

The doctor paused here to examine Spain's face, which had drained of all color as he stood frozen in place. He said nothing so the doctor continued. "he's lost quite a lot of blood and.. well, we've done everything we can. Unless a miracle occurs, I'd give him another hour… hour and a half…" he trailed off uncertainty, not wanting to upset the Spanish nation any more than he already was.

"…and you've tried everything?" Spain asked slowly, staring, eyes downcast.

"everything."

"And you're sure he's not… that he's going to…"

"there's always a small chance he'll survive, but the way things are looking now, yes."

Spain felt his stomach sink, and twist itself into a painful knot. This had to be some sort of joke. A cruel, sick, joke. Romano couldn't just leave him… not like this… not on Christmas… It all was too much for him to bear, to comprehend, to…

"I should probably also inform you that when he does…um… well, uh… when that happens I'll have to ask you to leave… since you're not of his immediate family… and… we would need to call his brother." A pause. "If there's any…uh… development… in his situation make sure to let me know."

The Spaniard nodded his head slowly, still not willing to accept the situation. He was having a nightmare, he'd wake up any second now… any second…

Spain lifted his head at the sound of the door shutting. The doctor had apparently decided to slip away after his last statement. He stared at the ground for a couple moments before making his way over to the bed Romano was currently laying in. Looking down at him, pale and helpless, lying silent on the hospital bed, Spain finally allowed himself to cry. He cried for the first time since he had arrived at the hospital. He cried for a good twenty minutes until he found he no longer had any tears left, and he moved on muttering Romano's name over and over, eyes shut tight, holding loosely onto one of Romano's, still soft from lack of harsh battle or strenuous work.

_"Romano… Romano... romano… mi tomate muy poco... Romano, por favor mi amor... por favor no me dejes así... por favor... te amo Romano, Romano..."_

Suddenly, Spain felt something move against his hand. Eyes still shut, he felt fingers slowly move to wrap around and then lightly squeeze his hand. Spain's heart raced as he opened his eyes and stared wide-eyed down at Romano…

Tightening his grip on the Italian's hand, he watched intensely and hopefully as Romano's head rolled slightly toward the side.

"bastard…"

It was quiet, barely a whisper, but it made Spain's heart leap to the sky.

"Romano? Romano, can you hear me?" He practically shouted.

Romano's eyes fluttered open, but seeing Spain he closed them again and groaned.

"dammit… bastard… what are you doing here…" Romano mumbled almost incomprehensibly, turning his head away from Spain, wincing at the movement.

Overjoyed at Romano's regained consciousness, Spain threw his arms around Romano in a hug.

"Oh, Romano… you scared me so much… I was so worried that you were… that you…"

Romano was confused… he tried to remember what had happened, where he was… and then it all came flooding back to him… the party, the hurtful words, the car ride home, the pain – which upon remembrance was creeping it's way back into his gut – his stupid mistake and then… Romano blushed heavily due to a specific memory combined with the fact that that same Spaniard was currently attempting to hug him… …which brought up the question… what _was _Spain doing here, and where was he?

Romano tried weakly to push Spain off of him, which he defiantly did not have the strength to do, but luckily Spain got the hint and stood up. Romano looked up at his face… was he… crying? But Spain never cried! Not ever! He would get angry, depressed, or disappointed every once in a while, but he never cried. What could possibly make him so sad to bring him to tears…

"What are you doing here?" Romano asked again, with an added "Where am I?"

Spain's forced smile faltered a little, and he let it drop, replaced with an expression of concern.

"Well, when I found you… you… hurt like that… I-I called the hospital… and…" he paused. "Romano… how did it… happen?"

Ignoring the question, Romano turned his head away again, and after a moment asked "How did you find me – I thought you were spending Christmas by yourself?" he deadpanned.

Spain, taken aback by this remark, opened his mouth to say something, but then shut it again. "I never said that…" he finally said quietly. Where had Romano got that idea? He didn't remember talking to him about his Christmas plans… The only person he'd told anything to was Hungary, and he had told her- wait… but she wouldn't gossip, when would she have had the chance to anyway… so did that mean…

"I was actually planning on spending it with you." He said watching Romano's face. It flickered some sort of emotion before returning to the usual scowl"

"Liar." Romano scoffed.

"I'm not lying."

"Then how come you said that you'd rather be alone on Christmas than with me?" He demanded angrily, tears beginning to form in the corners of his eyes. "Dammit Spain.." he cursed as he tried desperately to hold back his tears.

Spain's worst fears were confirmed. Somehow, Romano had heard his conversation with Hungary, and he had believed ever lie he had told her. Spain barely knew what to say. "Romano, I didn't mean what I said then… I-I was talking to Hungary and she… well she…" He trailed off. He really didn't know what to say! It all seemed so stupid and immature now that he thought about it. How could he have been so stupid? He felt sick to his stomach.

The doctor chose this moment to reenter the Room, most likely to see if Romano was dead yet, and his eyes widened in surprise.

"He's awake!" He exclaimed happily "What a miracle! Mr. Carriedo! Why didn't you come tell me!?"

"Oh… I guess I forgot." Spain said turning and attempting a smile.

Romano glanced over at the doctor. "Can you make this man leave, he's disturbing my peace." He said gesturing to Spain.

A look of confusion passed over the doctor's face, but he replied "uhh.. of course.. um, are you sure?"

"Yes." Romano stated, turning his head to look back up at the ceiling.

Spain just sat there shocked. Was Romano asking him to… leave?

The doctor just smiled apologetically at Spain "We have to respect the patient's wishes."

"Romano..." Spain muttered in disbelief. "Why…"

Romano didn't answer, just closed his eyes and turned his head away.

The doctor placed a hand on Spain's shoulder. "I'm sure he'll feel better in the morning." He offered, trying to be helpful.

Spain rose slowly from the chair he was sitting in beside Romano's bed and turned away toward the door with the doctor.

Hearing the click of the latch on the door, Romano closed his eyes, and sobbed.

* * *

**A/N - :O what's gonna happen! AH! (I'm honestly not sure yet) But I do think the next chapter will be the last... probably.**

**_Romano… Romano... romano… mi tomate muy poco... Romano, por favor mi amor... por favor no me dejes así... por favor... te amo Romano, Romano..._ = ****Romano... Romano... Romano... my precious little tomato... Romano, please my love... please don't leave me like this... please, I love you Romano, Romano... (I think, but I did use google translate so...)**

**In other news I found out the other day that 75% of my great grandparents were born in southern Italy! THAT was motivated me to write this! I WAS SO HAPPY! :)**

**Oh, and if you like Spamano (Which you probably do if you're reading this) Go read the fanfic "Life is Undefined" by Hakusamia! I LOVE IT SO MUCH! and it's her first so... *mindblown* It deserves way more love than it already has so go read it if you haven't already! **


End file.
